The Surprising Science of Confidence
Confidence is the one thing that we yearn for during our teenage and early adult years, and even all our lives for some of us. Some people lose hope, thinking that they will never feel comfortable in their own skin. This is a tragedy! Confidence is an essential element of our personal progression. It gives us the courage to take risks, to advance our career, and to form new relationships. It helps us feel satisfied with who we are and where we fit in the world.It’s no wonder that confidence is a commodity that’s in high demand. Bookstores are overflowing with volume after volume of advice for the acquisition of confidence. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a Ted-x conference that doesn’t have at least one talk on confidence. You presumably clicked on this article because you’re interested in improving your confidence.When it comes to the science of feeling confident, I certainly don’t have all the answers. But I have some simple advice that has served me and my photography clients well in the past. I’ll try to summarize that advice here.
Stand Up Straight With Your Shoulders Back
You may have been told to stand up straight in order to project their confidence, and that’s not terrible advice. But did you know that taking this advice can actually make you more confident?. Over the past couple of years, there have been various studies on the psychology and neurochemistry of body language. Many of these studies suggest that standing straight with your shoulders back may actually increase feelings of self-confidence. Famously, one clinical psychologist out of Toronto University compared this effect to the behavior of lobsters, whose simple midbrains operate on the same neurochemical messengers as ours. Assuming assertive posture activates the very ancient circuitry of the midbrain responsible for feelings of confidence--whether in humans or in lobsters.
So if you are asked during a social or professional setting to speak about yourself, try standing up, locking eye contact, and smiling. Even if you don’t feel confident at first, assuming this posture will signal your brain to feel more comfortable and capable as you speak. This isn’t a silver bullet, but this is a simple habit you can develop that will make a noticeable difference.
Stop the Negative Self-Talk
We all have that little voice inside of our heads. Sometimes it helps us make the right decision, such as avoiding a dangerous situation. However, if it is excessively critical, it can also cause serious harm to our mental health. This is especially prevalent today, as young teens are not just comparing themselves to their peers in school, but also online. Studies have shown that the mental process of comparing your life to others’ lives has a detrimental effect on reported levels of happiness and satisfaction--even when we perceive that our lives are more enjoyable than others!
Self-criticism is an important aspect of self-awareness and self-improvement. It’s good to wonder whether or not we’re acting in accordance with our values or whether we should be making changes to our lives. But when the voice of self-criticism becomes future oriented (“You can’t succeed at...you’ll never be as pretty as...you should just give up on…”), your inner voice has become counter-productive. You would never talk to your best friend that way, and you’d probably be slapped if you did! Why would you talk to yourself that way? You don’t have to take that kind of abuse--not even from yourself.
When you feel negative self-talk creeping into your mind, remind yourself how far you've come. Look back on your successes, your triumphs, and your positive attributes. Providing proof of your abilities and talents is a great strategy to implement during these times.
Keep Promises to Yourself
A promise to yourself is one of the most important promises to keep. Just as your trust in others is a function of how well they follow through on their commitments, your trust in yourself is a function of how well you follow through on commitments to yourself. If, for example, you convince yourself to finish an unpleasant project with the promise of rewarding yourself with a few minutes of YouTube or Video Games, you can’t renege on that promise when you buckle down and finish the project!
Trust Your Positive Thoughts
After years of doubting yourself, it can be rather easy to doubt your positive thoughts. This is natural, but it’s something that you are going to need to work on throughout your journey. Often you doubt these positive thoughts because you believe that the negative ones have more evidence behind them. This is a form of cognitive distortion which, in the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) literature is called “mental filtering.” When examined critically, it’s likely that there is plenty of evidence behind your positive beliefs about yourself, but you’ve developed a habit of discounting the positive (another cognitive distortion) to the point where that evidence is forgotten or appears uncompelling.
To break the habit of discounting the positive, always back up your positive thoughts with action. For example, if you think to yourself that you're finally going to get that good grade you've always wanted, begin to study. This then feeds into that positive thought, which then leads to better and longer-lasting confidence.
Embrace an Honest Self-Image
It can be easy to accept what others say about you. After all, if you don't believe in yourself, then the opinions of others who are confident are the truth, right? Wrong — you are the expert on yourself. Believe and embrace your own self-image. This means understanding who you really are and not what others or your negative thoughts say about you. Allow yourself to stop and think about who you really want to be, rather than dwelling on just who you are today.
One way to embrace an honest self-image is by getting professional portraits done. Portraits taken by professionals who understand the limits of a camera will create portraits which are more realistic than any-old snapshot. Seeing yourself in this new light can affect your confidence positively in a big way.
Focus On Your Strengths
One of the many things that can make a person feel confident in knowing their strengths. This is why it is so critical to understand your own skills and talents. It’s tempting to focus on your weaknesses and try to improve them--and if your worst attributes are causing significant harm to your ability to form strong relationships or life skills, that may be appropriate. But for most of us most of the time, we are best served when we play from our strengths.
The best way to understand what your strengths are is to try new things. There may be undiscovered talents and interests that you haven’t yet discovered. Keep a list of your talents and strengths and brainstorm ways to develop them. Of course, this is not merely some ego-boosting exercise but rather a resource for emphasizing your best attributes so you can become the best version of yourself possible. Some questions you can ask yourself are: What are your areas of interest? Which of your achievements are you most proud of? Which pursuits feel natural or intuitive to you? Slowly but surely, you will begin to see your strengths clearly, and this information will serve you well throughout your life.
Develop a Plan
As the old saying goes, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” This is why it is so important to develop a plan to succeed. This will often mean outlining your goals and then building your knowledge, so you know what it will take to achieve them. Building your confidence is going to take work. These are all difficult habits to develop, so it’s important for your goals to be realistic and attainable. Creating a roadmap can place you on the right track and allow you to stop and analyze your progression. Remember the tortoise and the hare--while your moment-to-moment progress might be imperceptible, you will be amazed at how much progress you can make with steady self-improvement over time.
Confidence takes work to build up. It can be a tough road of progression and setbacks, and it’s no easy trick to fight your own negative thoughts and self-image. However, with the right plan, execution, and overall preparedness, you too can begin to create a more confident and fulfilling life for yourself and those around you. Above all else, do not be afraid to be yourself.